Happy Birthday

Jeff,

You have been my friend for over half of your forty years.  You have gone by many names over the years... Good Buddy, Little Buddy, Value Meal Buddy, Tier 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 Friend.  During that time we have slept in the same bed more often than I wish to recall.  You have pushed me up hills after I ate one too many pancakes at Kate's Kitchen.  You have taught me the proper way to finish a beer (not a single drop left over) and explained how the "Bill's Safety Pins Lions".  You showed me the ideal time to go shopping for clothes (day after Thanksgiving) and lent me your best shirt on the first day of my new job.  You helped me move a whole house of furniture on one days' notice and even rented the moving truck on my  behalf when my license was expired.  You let me borrow your cell phone to wish my dad a happy Father's Day when I was too stubborn to buy my own.  You have picked me up at the airport late in the night and kicked space ass with me on Xbox until the wee hours of the morning.  You willingly accompanied me on my quest to "get out into the metal community" and let me fill up your tivo with every episode of Headbangers Ball.  We embarrassed ourselves by attending a Nelly Furtado concert together on Valentine's Day and shared pitchers of Frozen Raspberry Margarita's on more than a few occasions.  You do "the worm" every time I ask.  You always buy first round at the bar and you always pay more than your share at dinner.  Let's not even try to count the amount of time you have patiently listened to me complain.  

In return for your undying friendship I have misled you about the amount of Mad Dog we were sharing and stolen the last piece of pizza from you more than once.  I have given you bad advice and criticized you for not taking it.  I have made inappropriate comments about your friends and ridiculed your proudest achievements.  I cheated you out of all your on-line poker chips and then lied about it to your face.  I have called you names which I know you do not wish to be called.  I have broken your furniture and lost your valuable possessions.  Without your consent, I took quarters from your room which I had no intention of paying back.  I have made fun of your appearance, laughed at your misfortune and discouraged you from making good decisions for my own benefit.  Most egregious of all, I stole your long-standing Hurricane Drinking Championship Title in a brazen, pre-meditated act of thievery of the kind not seen since the Great Train Robbery of 1903.  And yet, despite all of this, your friendship has never wavered.   I would like to take this opportunity to wish you a very happy 40th and look forward to many more years of calling you my friend.  

It also sounds like I probably owe you a beer or two...

HBD, GB!  

Jason